Stop the Vicious Cycle by Discovering — It’s Not All About You
By Michelle Malay Carter on April 15, 2009
To continue on my life lesson theme from my last post, Is the Story You Are Telling Yourself Helpful, today I want to point out that it’s not all about you!
When we realize that people rarely do things “to us”, “at us”, “because of us”, but rather because of what is going on inside their interior world, we then need NOT take things personally.?
When we don’t take things personally, we do not judge others and build resentment.?
When we do not judge others and build resentments, we do not sabotage our relationships and set them into a vicious downward spiral of unhelpful stories that we play in our heads about one another.?
Once?we decide someone is petty or mean or prideful, we?then frame all their actions to fit our “profile” of them.
For example, when someone ignores us, we can decide, she doesn’t like me (notice the me focus) or we can assume they didn’t see us, were distracted, didn’t feel like talking, etc.? If?I were to make the first assumption, then my relationship with that person will be negatively affected in the future.? If I don’t take it personally, the next time I see the person, we still have a clean slate.
If your husband doesn’t take you on dates, you could decide it’s because he doesn’t love you, or you make the observation that he simply prefers to stay at home.? Which is the more helpful perspective?
How many relationships have we damaged at work and in our personal lives by making things about us?
Filed Under Managerial Leadership, Personal Observation
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One Response to “Stop the Vicious Cycle by Discovering — It’s Not All About You”
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Another good message. I recently found a neat book at the library that relates this negative me focus to a “heart being at war”: The Anatomy of Peace: Resolving the Heart of Conflict. by The Arbinger Institute.
Of course, there’s always the drama triangle that Stan talks about too. So many models, so little time. :)