It’s Irrational to be Rational with the Emotional

By Michelle Malay Carter on November 17, 2008 

Emotion Up, Rational DownOne of the easiest ways to make an emotional situation worse is to offer rationalizations before dealing with the emotional aspects of a situation.? Whether you are a manager, a customer service representative, or a resident of planet earth, my advice to you is ignore others’ emotions at your peril.

Emotion Up, Rational Down
Picture emotional and rational as two ends of a see-saw.? When one is up, the other is down.? When you are conversing with an emotional person, you must validate their emotions before you move to problem solving.

People Repeat Themselves When They are not Feeling Heard
When people feel unheard, the usually repeat themselves more LOUDLY.? So the next time someone is screaming at you when you believe your message is making all the sense in the world, ask yourself, have I acknowledged their feelings?

For example, if you are a drycleaner who has just lost some one’s favorite pair of pants, pointing at your limit of liability statement posted on the wall is only going to escalate the situation.

Instead, why not?try:

Once people feel heard and understood, they will be in a more open place to work with you on a rational basis.

Delivering Bad News?
If?you are having to deliver bad news within your organization, be sure your message is not singly focused upon the justifications for the decision?while ignoring?the pain, sadness, and fear that the actions might cause (however justified they are).??Organizations?that deny the?emotional aspects of their decisions?should beware of the employee who decides that he will be heard, and you will understand his pain.

I’m OK.? You’re OK.? Let’s fix the system.? How do you feel about this?

Filed Under Corporate Values, Employee Engagement

Comments

9 Responses to “It’s Irrational to be Rational with the Emotional”

  1. Three Star Leadership Blog on November 19th, 2008 3:54 pm

    11/19/08: A midweek look at the business blogs…

    Here’s my pick of the five best posts from this week’s business blogs. I’m pointing you to posts on the banking crisis, measuring work, service, when rational doesn’t work, and talent management studies.
    …

  2. Wally Bock on November 19th, 2008 4:12 pm

    Congratulations! This post was selected as one of the five best business blog posts of the week in my Three Star Leadership Midweek Review of the Business Blogs.

    http://blog.threestarleadership.com/2008/11/19/111908-a-midweek-look-at-the-business-blogs.aspx

    I commented: We’re often told to be “rational” or to “stop being emotional.” Sometimes that’s a bad idea, as this post shows.

    Wally Bock

  3. Michelle Malay Carter on November 19th, 2008 4:25 pm

    Thanks Wally! I’m so emotional I don’t know what to say!

    Michelle

  4. Rich Grenhart on November 19th, 2008 6:03 pm

    Very nice, concise support of “active listening.”

  5. Michelle Malay Carter on November 19th, 2008 6:21 pm

    Hi Rich,

    Thanks for visiting and for the encouragement.

    Michelle

  6. Chris Young on November 23rd, 2008 11:43 pm

    Great tips for effective communication Michelle! I have selected your post for inclusion in my weekly Rainmaker ‘Fab Five’ blog picks of the week which can be found here: http://www.maximizepossibility.com/employee_retention/2008/11/the-rainmaker-3.html

    Be well Michelle!

  7. Michelle Malay Carter on November 24th, 2008 9:31 am

    Hi Chris,

    Thanks for the plug.

    Regards,

    Michelle

  8. Dhruva Trivedy on July 11th, 2009 11:18 pm

    I am coming back to your blog after a long gap Michelle. Emotional persons have to be shown the pitfalls of becoming overtly emotional. For this rationality would be required. Only thing is certain that one has to make a choice of the right time and situation to deal with them

  9. Michelle Malay Carter on July 12th, 2009 5:17 am

    Hi Dhruva,

    Welcome back. Yes, we are in agreement here. Timing is everything.

    Michelle