Know Thyself
By Michelle Malay Carter on April 14, 2008
This is a continuation of my last post where I asserted that you really cannot be anything you want to be,?and believing that you can be anything will leave you either depressed or judgmental.
It Begins in Childhood
The work of children is to figure out the world – to understand it physically and relationally.
Their work is to figure out who they are, who they want to be (which is not always who they are) and the process by which they can be who they want to be.
This is the folly of youth. ?We try to manipulate ourselves into a persona that is not necessarily us.
Kids have to figure out how to be accepted and how to win friends or at least, how not to be humiliated and ostracized.
These belief sets that we create for ourselves when we are six may very well be the things that entangle us later in life because they become tacit and affect our behaviors without our conscious awareness.
Some kids who are not mainstream by wiring cope by deciding that being cool comes about by being exactly opposite than mainstream and they join a fringe group.
Unfortunately, many of these “rebels” overdo on the other side of the pendulum and end up adopting a nonconformist persona that is not them either. Once again, they are playing a role to cope.
So What is Maturity?
I think the work of adulthood is to:
- figure out who we really are,
- separate it from who we think we should be or desire to be,
- then accept who we are, possibly by mourning who we are not,
- then embrace who we are, and
- seek environments, create processes, and build?networks that will help us be successful in spite of our shortcomings by using our gifts in the right environment, with enabling process and supportive networks.
Essentially, we spend 20 years building a fantasy?persona and then another 20 or so dismantling it in order to excavate who we really are.
Do you agree?
Photo Credit: icanteachyouhowtodoit
Filed Under Employee Engagement, High Potential, Personal Observation, Talent Management
Comments
3 Responses to “Know Thyself”
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Not sure if I completely agree with that strict of a premise. By saying that you can only be what you are says that there is never any underlying or undiscovered potential.
I am a huge believer in the necessity of knowing thyself as best as you can, but we are evolving creatures. At the age of 20 there were a lot of things that I could not do and subsequently a lot of things I could not be.
My opinion, for what that is worth, is that current self-awareness has to be grounded in current reality and that if a new reality is desired self-deception will not help it to occur, but honesty with one’s self may get you as close as you can get given your known abilities and opportunities.
Most of this of course is based on my personal belief that no one’s potential can ever be measured while they live and walk above ground! It may be estimated, but not measured!
In some ways yes, but in others no. There is certainly truth to the fact that many of us spend a big chunk of time simply discovering who we really are, but there is many a times that we change ourselves and truly become someone knew, whether that’s through learned actions, tragic events, or life changing faith and spirituality. Perhaps all of those combined!
Its not always there to begin with, but there is certainly something there, something to discover and something to reveal, and perhaps if we’ve wise enough something new to find that enables us to change who we currently are!
Hi Bo and Mike,
Thanks for the heartfelt comments. I believe we are all developmental beings. We all learn, grow, and change.
Bo and Mike, I can see why you take exception to my comment, “You can only be what you are.” When I say you can only be what you are, I am including undiscovered and untapped potential which you both mention. I agree with you. I didn’t make myself clear on that.
When I say we can only be who we are, I am talking in a more global, spiritual sense of finding our place of flow and purpose.
If you were to ask me if I’m the same as I was 10 years ago, I would say NO WAY. Over time, the way I view the world has changed. That, with some “standing outside myself”, has modified my reactions to the world and to others which has modified my behavior. So the way I experience the world has changed, my behavior has changed, and likely others’ experience of me has changed, but fundamentally I don’t think “who I am” has changed.
For example, on my ACT college entrance exams, I scored more highly on the math section than the english. Of the four areas, english was my lowest score, yet, I am a writer in my core. I may have a head for math but I don’t have a heart for it.
Another example, blogging is the perfect storm of who I am – a writer, a person of high conviction, a person who likes to research, a person who enjoys design, a person who is passionate and knowledgeable about a subject (organizational design and leadership). Because of this, I am able to sustain my blog and I am slowly building an audience. I blog from my core and it works.
Blogging is en vogue these days for a variety of reasons, but of all the blogs out there, very few are maintained on any regular basis. When we work from outside who we are, it is not sustainable nor does it come off as authentic.
Thanks for the feedback. It is most appreciated.
Regards,
Michelle Malay Carter